Surprises
Tuesday, 2 March, 2010

I woke up not ready for today. I’m usually somehow ready, but after the disaster that was a second attempt at long division in 6B yesterday, I was not ready for another 80 minutes of it today. I had lost my excitement about long division when the learners didn’t even want to TRY because they didn’t think they could do it. I did smile and get excited yesterday during study when Maria told me, Madam I tried! That’s all I’m asking for!!!

Before I even got to school, I had to cut a hole in my school bag because the zipper is broken, and shut. And I forgot to change my shoes before leaving the house. And I forgot to bring something important, that I now even forget (that’s how exhausting these days are). So I was already off to a bad start.

Then in the staff briefing, before teaching had even started, we were all told that the math teachers for grades 5-7 had to go to a circuit meeting. At 8am. OK, there are 2 math teachers for those grades - I teach 6 and 7, Ms Shishanda teaches grade 5. I noticed she wasn’t in the briefing. The principal didn’t want me to go. I didn’t want to go. Meetings are nightmares from hell. The subject head, Mr Kudumo, wanted both teachers to go, and somehow his word has more authority than the principal, so I had to go. I found Ms Shishanda already there.

I got there just before 8, early. We started the meeting just before 9, late. I kept thinking about the classes I was supposed to be teaching and how I hadn’t even had enough warning to prepare work for them in my absence. I’d had about 20 minutes notice, and those 20 minutes were spent in the staff briefing.

The meeting started OK, for a Namibian meeting. A prayer. Welcoming remarks. Talking about the agenda instead of just starting. Everything focusing on the negative and somehow complaining. I was tired. And frustrated at being there. But the other teachers were really nice and helpful in explaining a new form we have to use for grades. I also realized part of the problem in teaching is an inability to give clear instructions. When anyone explains anything to me, it’s in a roundabout way and I get even more confused a lot of the times.

The meeting for 3.5 hours long. The first hour was OK. But then I realized that it was completely dominated by 3 male teachers, and everyone else just kind of existed. The final item on the agenda was discussing marking centers - where we can all get together after a circuit or regional exam and mark each others question papers so we don’t favor learners and to make sure the learners’ work is being marked. I told them I didn’t see the need, that I had to be convinced it was necessary. They sucked at convincing me. But I was so annoyed and on the verge of tears with how ridiculous their arguments were that I finally just said fine, whatever, I’m convinced. They accepted that.

On the way home, I asked Ms Shishanda what she thought about this plan. She also doesn’t see the need, but knew that the men in charge wouldn’t listen, so she didn’t say anything. Then I realized I could rant to her about its ridiculousness - We’ll have to wait until days after the learners write until we go to mark together when I’d rather mark and get it done immediately; It’s not our jobs to make sure other teachers are marking learners’ work.

I’m getting more angry writing this again and thinking about it. It’s just so ridiculous. I teach ALL of my periods EVERYDAY that I’m allowed to. Then they call a pointless meeting for an ENTIRE school day without ANY warning to some teachers to prepare work for learners. And then they expect us to hold each other accountable, when I’ve never met most of these teachers before and can’t stand being in the same room with some of them because they’re so arrogant and wouldn’t EVER listen to a woman - as exhibited by my actually speaking up.

So I got back to school expecting to have a staff meeting all afternoon. Luckily it was cancelled because there was another issue, that wasn’t so lucky, that was still being dealt with. So I had two hours in the afternoon to teach my 4 classes.

Long division in 6B which I was still dreading, but we all had energy from lunch, so it was still fun. And about half of them can do it! So that was exciting!

Averages in 7A. I asked them, how are you? We are not fine! Why are you not fine? Because you didn’t teach us today! Well, it’s your lucky day then! I’m here to teach! They are writing their own average word problems for homework. I hope it goes well so they can exchange and solve each others problems tomorrow. I’m skeptical and hope I’m surprised again.

Review and word problems in 7B. They were the quietest and mellowest class and it was hard to get them excited coming from two high energy classes where I had to try to settle them down.

Starting long division in 6A. We’ll be doing that all week. But it was just nice to be able to teach all my classes at least for a little while when I had unexpectedly been taken away from them. In the morning, I couldn’t decide if I’d rather spend 80 minutes teaching long division or go to the meeting. I hated the meeting, but I can’t say I’d have loved teaching long division for that long either. And it ended up working out somehow in the end.

Now to finish my pesto tortellini!! YUM!!!

Uncovering my inner teacher
Wednesday, 10 March, 2010

Happy birthday Jacob and Matthew…24 years and 2 years, in worlds that couldn’t be more different!

Last weekend in town I bought 27 protractors so I would have enough for every learner to use during class, but not to keep. As soon as I told them about it, they all wanted to buy. I’d paid 2.50, so I said I’d sell for 3. They were still all about it. Shoot, what to do? I can’t sell, then I don’t have enough for everyone in 7B! The cool thing about clear things is they can be photocopied! So I made 54 paper protractors yesterday and cut them out after school. I told everyone in grade 7 to bring a box to school or a piece of cardboard, knowing that most people would forget. Well, everyone forgot, so good thing I’ve been hoarding all my boxes of Annie’s Macaroni and Cheese and boxes of other American deliciousness that I would live off of if I could (today I thought about doing just that when I get home, though I know I’ll want nothing to do with boxed meals!). I had just enough for everyone to find a space to glue their protractor so it would be more sturdy. I had only 5 pairs of scissors and 5 glue sticks so the process took about 30 minutes, but they have protractors to keep so I can give them homework now!

On Monday we started using the protractors I’d bought. I didn’t teach grade 7 last year at this time, so I didn’t teach pie charts. Turns out there’s a lot more information in them than you’d think after a pretty solid education and problem solving skills. I was part way through the lesson when I started realizing I’d overlooked A LOT of information in my lesson plan. So all I managed to do in those first 80 minutes of talking about angles, sectors, ratios without actually using that word and pie charts (what the hell is pie anyway Madam!?) was to thoroughly confuse all 22 learners. I was frustrated and disappointed in myself, so I told them I’d come back during study to clear things up. I basically got a second chance at teaching them, sort of just starting over. And only 45 minutes later, they were drawing pie charts with correct angle measures.

These kids are smart! They just aren’t given the chance to think most of the time, but push them a little bit and they take off! All week we’ve been learning about pie charts - starting with the angles and figuring out how many people in each sector, starting with the people and figuring out the angles, drawing angles and circles until our pens are empty. Tomorrow they’re doing a worksheet that I created from scratch (once I found out our photocopier was actually working, I made a worksheet with 5 blank circles and 4 word problems - they’ll all tell me they made a mistake and need another, this way they have an extra), which I’ve never been able to give them because we never have a functioning photocopier and I’m 200km, N$60 and 2+hours from town. Also the circuit photocopier is usually out of ink, just 4km away.

When I put in the effort, I get 10x the rewards in the end. I spent at least 2 hours planning for tomorrow today, and it took me 2 days to make the worksheet. By period 8 today, I was so tired and hungry that I got dizzy standing at the chalkboard (but got that push to keep going when I wrote the word “subtraction” on the board talking about order of operations and Dihako Engelbertha said, “Not like that Madam, substraction!” I have NEVER heard a Namibian correctly pronounce subtraction, and apparently some even think that’s the incorrect spelling.). I can feel that my energy is finally in the right place. I just hope I can sustain it, because I’m giving it everything I’ve got.

I love these kids too much, even when I have to keep them after study because they were outside playing butu during study when I was doing math flashcards with another class. They got it. They were quiet today. They just need something like weekly reminders. They will be the first ones I miss when I go, teachers’ kids second, and teachers third.

Sometimes you just have to escape
Sunday, 14 March, 2010

This weekend was for me. It was like a vacation, just without going anywhere, because the mere act of traveling anywhere by car takes away the relaxation of the trip.

On Friday during my 1 hour and 40 minute lunch break between teaching and the Friday study which is the bane of my existence, I fell asleep twice. I lay down without even eating lunch because I was so tired from trying to entertain 6th and 7th grade learners for 5 days and stay a day ahead of them in my planning which has proven to be much more difficult than expected from the sheer exhaustion of trying to keep up with their energy level in class. But I’d once again managed to survive the week and I just had to rest for a little while before struggling through another 2 hours, which ended up being only an hour and a half. So when I checked my time after waking myself up from drooling on my pillow and it was already 2:25 and I had to be back at school by 2:50, 10 minutes before study actually starts, I told myself just 5 more minutes to close my eyes and then I’d get up, stuff my face, and make it to school with time to spare. School is just in my backyard. Ten minutes later, I again woke myself up from drooling on my pillow, stuffed my face, and made it to school as the bell was ringing for learners to get in their classes. OK, I was still earlier than most other teachers, if they showed up at all.

But I was thankful it was Friday, I was tired.

And Saturday, that exhaustion hadn’t disappeared. I spent the day in my house cooking and baking for the week ahead because getting home at 5 after 10 hours (minus that lunch break which I always shorten if I manage to stay awake so I’m ready to keep teaching in the afternoon) trying to keep 25 grade 6 and 7 learners in their chairs at a time and impart some kind of math knowledge and problem solving skills into their heads which are doing their best at staving off all attempts, I just can’t think of cooking something that is delicious amidst the preparations I have to do for the next day. So I used my planning ahead skills to make enough food to last me a week. Unless it’s a really bad week, then it’ll only last a few days. But it was a really great Sunday with banana bread getting made first, then pizza and still leftovers from Friday’s dinner of Thai peanut sauce for spaghetti. I can’t wait to be in a place where I can easily share these meals!

I was only visited by one learner - Lami - and her 4 year old brother, who promptly fell asleep on my floor. So Lami and I played Yahtzee until I decided to walk them home, giving 4 year old Sharon (a boy) a piggy back for the 20 minute walk. I spent about an hour at her homestead with her father, step mother and several siblings or cousins, most of whom are learners, and some are in my other classes. It was actually quite relaxing. And I look forward to when this is normal, not a treat!

Today, I woke up early, went for my weekend run, got clean and was exhausted by 9am. So I lay back in bed, took a nap with Ziggy, read a lot of my awesome book, When a Crocodile Eats the Sun, highly recommended, and watched some How I Met Your Mother, only interrupted 3 times, but easily turned them away because I needed this day. I got my planning done for tomorrow, went for a walk into the village to buy maize, found there wasn’t any, and came back home to continue my morning activities without the luxury of a fan because the electricity was out most of the day.

This was a great weekend and I look forward to when I have the energy to enjoy my learners’ company again, but that probably won’t happen until the end of my holiday in May. I’m fine with that. Looking forward to the long weekends and shorter weeks coming up.

Love/Hate Relationship
Tuesday, 16 March, 2010

Nine months. That’s about how long I have left here, in this life that is more bipolar than the two poles up the globe.

Yesterday I couldn’t seem to have anything go my way. I started word problems in 6A, but their English is the most somehow of my 4 classes, so I’m not really expecting to make much progress there. In 7A, we reviewed the pie chart worksheet they completed last week, and did corrections on because some got only 4/25, when one boy managed to get 24/25. At least I know I’m teaching those who are ready and willing to learn. But it was frustrating. We started picture graphs (pictograms) and they seem to know everything they needed about them, so we could move on. But their energy just wasn’t positive yesterday, which got me even lower after my start in 6A. In 7B, I gave the same pie chart worksheet, but let them use their exercise books because of the extreme differences in abilities from the top to bottom, and from 7A to 7B. Glancing over them after an hour of them working on it, I was dreading marking it. In 6B we reviewed for a test today, and it went pretty smoothly.

But my hour and 40 minute lunch break, which I covet and basically yell at anyone who interrupts it before I’m ready to end it early, was shortened by an hour so that all the teachers could come back to school at 2 instead of 3 for a meeting with the NANTU (Namibian National Teachers Union) regional chairperson. I had no idea what to expect, so brought my books and plans for study. That was a stupid idea.

We started about 30 minutes late, not so bad, and ended 4 hours later. So we were there from 2-6:30. There were good things said, but it’s all things we’ve heard before and it’s now up to teachers themselves to start implementing things. I hope they do. And it was a lot of repetition even within the one 4.5 hour meeting, so by the end I was becoming very sarcastic under my breath. I also gave another teacher the look of death I used to be known for but haven’t brought out in Africa. So just about peed her pants from laughing to hard and then we couldn’t even look at each other because we were both out of control laughing when we were having a very serious meeting.

I was thankful I had cooked over the weekend and could go home to pesto pizza. But I still made cookies. Peanut butter. From a package. They weren’t very good.

Today I didn’t really know what to expect after that meeting. Teachers thought it was really good while I had wanted to bang my head so hard against the concrete wall that I would be knocked unconscious, or killed. Either one would have been fine, death saving me from any further meetings (don’t worry, I’m not actually thinking about suicide).

I taught all my classes, I had a much more positive energy today, 6B wrote their test and only about 5 of them failed which is really good. And 7A seems to remember a lot more about fractions than I expected, though the quiz tomorrow will be telling of what they ACTUALLY remember, not just what they tell me they remember.

But then I spent my afternoon marking 7B’s pie chart worksheet, that they got to use their exercise books for. I haven’t found the actual average, but by marking them all and seeing the marks, it can’t be more than 6/25. I want to cry. I don’t know what to do with them. I walked into the staff room and found 2 more math teachers there and the life science teacher. We started talking about the frustrations of teaching. The history teacher, also HOD and BEST teacher/person at this school (he’s become my go to person when I’m overwhelmed with anything and he’s ALWAYS willing to listen and help), was also listening and adding his 2 cents. I wasn’t looking for encouragement/positive feedback, but they all told me that I’m doing a good job. I told them I’m ready to learn how to be a better teacher and no one really had any advice, they told me that I’m already a good teacher. Maybe so, but I’m still skeptical.

Then Mr Kutenda and I started talking about 6B. They are challenging. He usually teaches grades 8-10, where kids are much more reserved and willing to sit all day. He’s teaching those classes history, plus grade 6 natural science because of other scheduling challenges with other teachers. He told me he’s enjoying himself more with the younger kids. And he’s struggling to get the older kids to ask questions, when the hellions (my addition) in grade 6 will ask anything. They’re so open! Yes!!! It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time. I had to take away some kids’ chairs during study today because they wouldn’t sit. So I made them stand for about 10 minutes. It worked. For a little while anyway.

Now I’m spending time in my classroom, alone, while some of my most energetic, best, most exhausting and challenging learners from 6B play soccer outside and come in to see what I’m doing. I love them and will miss them dearly, but they also are the ones I dread seeing on the days I can barely get out of bed because I know they’ll take all of my energy.

Still to do: enter all the grades from 6B and 7B assignments, make a bar graph for tomorrow, make some pie charts for tomorrow’s classes and picture graphs for later in the month and overall planning for tomorrow. I have about an hour of daylight left and unreliable electricity, so I better get a move on. More precooked pizza tonight. Why can’t things just be NORMAL???

Insomnia
Thursday, 18 March, 2010

Thank god it’s almost the weekend. I have NOT been sleeping and I’m TIRED!

Earlier this week, a learner, Seglinde, told me, “Thiyoka” as she walked to the front of the classroom and pointed into the exposed rafters, or their equivalent, I have no idea why. But I looked up, terrified, expecting to find the snake she was pointing to about to fall on me. There was no snake. She just said it as a joke, and now the whole class knows about my newfound, African born fear. As a justification though, there WAS a snake in the next classroom last year. It came in through the window from the tree just outside those two classrooms. So it’s a legitimate fear!

Then yesterday I was teaching in 6A, took a seat on the teacher desk because I’d been on my feet for the last 4 hours in Chacos on cement floors and my knees, hips and feet were killing me. I looked outside, and in the top of my field of view there was a moving black spot on the freshly painted white ceiling. I got distracted from whatever I SHOULD have been teaching and watched that black spot. The kids didn’t seem to notice. There was a really big spider on the ceiling, about to start crawling just above learners. I started asking them about spiders. They didn’t think spiders could kill you. I’ve heard black widows live here. It was big. And it was black. I went to find a broom to get it out of the classroom. When I got it outside by sweeping it, it turned around and was on its “hind” legs in an attach position. I wanted to step on it so I wouldn’t worry about it coming back inside, but my feet felt too exposed with just Chacos, so I left it to its own demise at the hands of barefooted kids who are much stronger than I am.

Well, last night I was exhausted from teaching all 8 periods plus the 2 hours of study and taking a shortened lunch break (which I usually do now) so I could get more work done, then even a run after school because I felt like I needed a release from pent up frustrations but all it managed to accomplish was sorer joints from running with sneakers that actually have holes in them. BUT I COULDN’T SLEEP!!! All I saw when I closed my eyes was the imaginary snake in the rafters and the spider in its attack position. I saw way too many hours last night when I should have been passed out, oblivious to the dangers of living in a Namibian village.

I hope for better rest in town this weekend.